I have no idea what I’m doing.
Being totally honest and serious here. I’ve decided to start journaling again in an effort to keep track of the progress I make as I fight my way through a new collection of songs.
It’s obviously been a while since my Recovery (RCVRY) album and I’m finally of the conviction that I need to record again.
So much has happened in my life in recent years that I hardly recognize the landscape. Marriage, parenthood, booking and touring for concerts, producing in the studio for other artists and engaging with our church in leading some of the music…lots of shifts and turns. Loads of exhaustion and hard work… mostly good just really challenging and stretching.
Then the songwriting fits and starts… vision then darkness. Flickers of creative light. There and then it’s gone.
That’s been the rhythm of life around here and I’ve found it hard to follow all the chord changes.
I can only speak for myself, so here goes:
It’s very difficult to make honest, compelling art that moves people because you basically have to die over and over and over again. You have to surrender yourself to the process while simultaneously facing yourself. The best art (I think) is the most honest. The most human. And getting down to the core of being human is very difficult because we cover ourselves with all sorts of things that need to be ejected and removed in order to see what is really going on beneath the surface of the world we live in. It’s kind of a simple thing I guess but everything in your nature fights against the simplicity of it.
For a number of years now, I have been fixed on themes of renewal, restoration, redemption…resurrection.
So that is where I am headed creatively. Walking straight into the belly of the beast!
Headlong into my own heart with a searchlight and a satchel.
Who knows what I’ll find but I’ll know it when I see it. The older I get, the more I realize how deeply confusing and disorienting the creative process can be. You wander around for a long time before you know where you are going.
So other than these trail markers, I don’t really know what I’m doing.
So I’m doing what I always do… which is not knowing what I’m doing.
The only thing I know is that I have to do it.